While I read through the comments and emails, I thought about how things would be different, if SA didn't exist. What would it be like?..No worrying about our children being fondled. No confronting the Perp and being blamed for the destruction of your family. No courtroom, police, Dr. exams., counseling or feeling unworthy. Just happy kids with loving hearts. What a Wonderful World It Would Be! Don't our kids deserve to live 'WORRY FREE'?
One email sticks out to me...I have asked this person for permission to post her story. I must warn you, it's not for all to read, please use caution if young children are present. Also, if you leave a comment, PLEASE...Only Positive Ones.
"If you don't want to read it, you don't have to, but I included it. I warn you, its not pretty. But it is a truth that can save another child from the horror I went through. I didn't include any of the actual attack details because it is to painful to recollect, just my life story and the effects.
My attacker was my mother's blood father. My grandmother had divorced him when my mom was young. My mom thought when I was born it was a good time to reconnect with him. Soon he was always visiting my mom & aunt and then babysitting me.
That's when it started. I don't remember the start exactly, it just seemed like it was always there. I remember kicking and screaming to not go there but he watched me on weekends so Mom could have a break. When I came forward at 7, it was first to my mom and aunt. They spanked me and punished me for talking about their father that way. I told a counselor at school and they called my mom & when she said I was lying and there was no way it happened, I got suspended from school for making up such a terrible thing. I told another Aunt on my Dad's side that watched me after school and she started laughing asking "where do you get this sh@#?" And thinking it must have been from television, she grounded me from watching TV at her house for years.
The next weekend I went to HIS house my Mom told HIM what I had said. He had family from his wife's side over and they all had a good laugh about it. Sadly, after everyone left there was only me and him left (His wife would go into her room and shut the door. I'm sure she knew, but was scared too) The abuse got extremely worse at that point.
I continued to tell my mom what was happening. I continued getting punished for saying it. My aunt stopped coming over with my cousins because she said I was a nasty little liar and she didn't want her kids exposed to that. I wasn't allowed to play with the kids in the neighborhood either, when their parents heard. Most of the adults knew each other and mom's dad since it was such a small community. I was a liar and was not to be trusted.
Finally when I was 9, I got up the courage to tell my Dad & Grandmother. My grandmother freaked out and called my mom saying she was taking me from her (I guess she divorced him for a good reason). My Dad agreed with Granny that Mom wasn't doing a good job with me and that I was telling the truth. Mom fought with them to keep me, telling them I was a liar, why do they believe me? Granny told her if she tried to take her to court Social Services would probably take me and my brother away. So then I lived with Granny. Life was finally good but I was scared to bring the issue back up. Granny never mentioned it again, so I didn't either.
We moved when I was 13 and that's when I decided I couldn't take it anymore and started walking to the counselor. I forged mom's handwriting on a note saying she was aware I was coming, but couldn't leave work. They either believed it, or just knew I needed help so they didn't question it. It was so nice to finally talk about what had happened. I started to feel a weight lifted from my chest.
Meanwhile, I had gotten my period around 12 and by 14 was bleeding way too much and often. Granny thought and actually told me she worried it may be from the abuse. So she got me an appointment with a gyno and told my mom she would need her to go with us. Granny had looked at my privates when I first came to live with her so she must have known then, there was evidence. When he did the exam and questioned me if I was sexually active or abused. Mom burst into tears. Granny told the Doctor that I had in fact been abused. The doctor did extra tests and discovered I had tears inside & out, I was scared on the outside and I had a strain of abnormal cell HPV that can some times lead to cancer. I couldn't believe that I was only 14 and had a sexually transmitted virus. In my mind I had never had sex. It was strange to try to comprehend in my mind.
We went home that night and my mom & dad came over to Granny's. We were discussing our options how to notify police and get me help, my mother was apologizing over and over. I don't think she stopped crying from the time we were at the doctor. The phone rang & it was my aunt. She had just got a call from the hospital, their Dad had collapsed at work and died of a heart attack, but were going to do an autopsy because they saw puncture wounds in his arms that looked like needles. Granny told her she needed to come over. They explained what had happened to me and she started crying and apologizing as well.
We told the police what happened. Even though he was already gone. Autopsy results came back about 2 months later from that night that he had prostate cancer that had spread throughout his body. He also had AIDS. They are pretty sure he contacted it from needles AFTER he abused me, but they could not be sure. They rushed me to the hospital and tested me for AIDS & HIV. They were negative, however I had developed 3 lesions on my cervix they worried about. They removed them and found them to be high in the cancer forming cells. They told me I would have had cancer. Now, even not being abused, I may have still develope this because it may have been part genetics (still his blood) but there was no way to tell.
I still go for Pap smears and HIV tests every 6 months. I got pregnant with my son with nothing short of a miracle. I worry every day, what if I do have HIV? What if he gets it? What if I get the cancer cells again?
Another effect of sexual abuse in me: In high school I started thinking to like myself, I had to sleep with every guy I liked. I had 15 partners until I met my husband when I was 18. My husband told me he liked me but wanted to get to know me before we slept together. I couldn't understand that. After we dated for a month I got very upset because I didn't understand....if he said he liked me, why didn't he want to sleep with me? I told him my life story. He grabbed me and held me and kissed my forehead. He told me he didn't want to sleep with me because he loved me and respected me. We went to counseling together. He had to teach me what being in a real relationship was suppose to be. He had to teach me that what I thought, was not normal. I am 24 and we have been married now 5 years. We have a beautiful, loving, sharing, perfect relationship. But I still have problems with accepting that he loves me and thinks I'm pretty all the time, whether we have sex or not.
I stopped eating when I was a kid and sometimes still "forget to eat." I have HORRIBLE self esteem. The only time I've ever thought I was beautiful was during my pregnancy.
I know this post was long and I appreciate You for reading it. Please help us, STOP Sex Abuse!"